officialunitedstates:

My sister Jenny had finally turned 22 and her birthday gift was rain. 
"Cover your eyes," I said after I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment.  "I have a surprise for you."
After a bit of convincing she went along with it, and I led her down five flights of stairs to the lobby. 
She asked if we could have just taken the elevator.
"You’re not supposed to use the elevator when it’s raining.  I read that once.  I also like how they’re called flights.  Where’s the plane?  Haha."  She didn’t laugh at my joke.  I told her she could open her eyes now and she did. 
"What? Where’s this surprise?" she asked.
"I know how much you like rain.  It’s your birthday and it is raining.  Happy birthday, sis."
She looked out into the bustling, wet street and then gave me a sour look.  I gave her a sweet look.  She walked away.  I walked a way. 
"Look, Jenny, to be honest, I would have bought you a present but my wallet is empty," I said as I reached into my back pocket and showed her my empty wallet.  I had emptied it out the night before but she didn’t need to know that.  I even took out my library card.  That’s not even currency.  I definitely could have left that in there and she still would have thought I was broke.
She looked at the floor, letting her curly blond hair become unfurled, grinned, and then looked back up at me.  “It’s okay, I like your present.  At the very least it shows that you care about me.” 
And that’s how I got away with giving my sister rain for her 22nd birthday so I could buy sixteen globes the next day and smash them all with a baseball bat in the middle of times square.

officialunitedstates:

My sister Jenny had finally turned 22 and her birthday gift was rain. 

"Cover your eyes," I said after I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment.  "I have a surprise for you."

After a bit of convincing she went along with it, and I led her down five flights of stairs to the lobby. 

She asked if we could have just taken the elevator.

"You’re not supposed to use the elevator when it’s raining.  I read that once.  I also like how they’re called flights.  Where’s the plane?  Haha."  She didn’t laugh at my joke.  I told her she could open her eyes now and she did. 

"What? Where’s this surprise?" she asked.

"I know how much you like rain.  It’s your birthday and it is raining.  Happy birthday, sis."

She looked out into the bustling, wet street and then gave me a sour look.  I gave her a sweet look.  She walked away.  I walked a way. 

"Look, Jenny, to be honest, I would have bought you a present but my wallet is empty," I said as I reached into my back pocket and showed her my empty wallet.  I had emptied it out the night before but she didn’t need to know that.  I even took out my library card.  That’s not even currency.  I definitely could have left that in there and she still would have thought I was broke.

She looked at the floor, letting her curly blond hair become unfurled, grinned, and then looked back up at me.  “It’s okay, I like your present.  At the very least it shows that you care about me.” 

And that’s how I got away with giving my sister rain for her 22nd birthday so I could buy sixteen globes the next day and smash them all with a baseball bat in the middle of times square.

28

July

8,928 notes

This photo was reblogged from hotwhiteguy and originally by officialunitedstates.

atlopez:

Real.

atlopez:

Real.

(Source: illasfvck)

28

July

8,086 notes

This photo was reblogged from uneducatedfuck and originally by illasfvck.

riyal:

booche:

ukehongbin:

IVE BEEN LOOKING AT THE GODZILLA CHARACTER DESIGNS WIKIPAGE

HE’S

image

SO

image

FUCKING

image

CUTE

image

AND SUDDENLY HE BECAME THIS HOT LIKE

image

image

WHO GAVE YOU THE DAMN RIGHT TO BE SO SEXY I AM WEAK IN MY KNEES AND I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME SENSELESS WITH YOUR THICK TAIL

the fuck?

 

28

July

105,796 notes

This text was reblogged from mattyroth and originally by ukehongbin-deactivated20140620.

softmikus:

yeah good grades are cool and all but have you ever had a good night sleep

(Source: sylvehun)

28

July

560,579 notes

This text was reblogged from ammyisme and originally by sylvehun.

#no because I stay up all night panicking about school

santasgreatesthits:

this is gonna be Jaden Smith’s next tweet

santasgreatesthits:

this is gonna be Jaden Smith’s next tweet

(Source: deductionhunters)

28

July

146,848 notes

This photo was reblogged from a-razorblades-kiss and originally by deductionhunters.

chickemuqqets:

Complaining to my parents like

image

28

July

6,591 notes

This text was reblogged from i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed and originally by chickemuqqets.

sassy-rising-angel:

colorfullyfuckedazazel:

genuinewonderment:

sirsquidfish-thefirst:

Do you think that when Steve Rogers sneezes, one of the Avengers goes up to him and whispers, “God Bless America”
Then Steve fucking looks at them like this
image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

no IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER TONY’S FACE OH MY GOD

thor’s pokerface

28

July

65,377 notes

This text was reblogged from wewentztothebathroom and originally by sirsquidfish-thefirst.

anneboleyns:

romanovia:

fun date idea:

take me to comic con

drop me off

leave

pick me up when it’s over tho

28

July

45,870 notes

This text was reblogged from beautifulyintricategirafecracker and originally by romanovia.

s0lvingsecrets:

santakatlan:

I’m gonna reblog this every day till someone does it.

pls someone submit me one, I’ve had people do it before and it’s hella adorable xxx

s0lvingsecrets:

santakatlan:

I’m gonna reblog this every day till someone does it.

pls someone submit me one, I’ve had people do it before and it’s hella adorable xxx

(Source: tylerandhislife)

28

July

352,549 notes

This photo was reblogged from betweencases and originally by tylerandhislife.

hackedmotionsensors:

spacehamsters:

I work at a theater and we just got these I cannot believe this

I need this and am willing to do things to get it

28

July

21,470 notes

This photo was reblogged from thenerdysoccerplayer and originally by spacehamsters.

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

porcelain-horse-horselain:

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

Also while I was waiting in a cab line yesterday I was having a very stressed and frantic phone call and the dudes standing in front of me were laughing about it and then one of them was like “wow you’re having a rough day” in the most recognizable voice ever and that’s when I realized H Jon Benjamin was laughing at my pain

image

oh my god

28

July

2,634 notes

This text was reblogged from theblueboxonbakerstreet and originally by areyoutryingtodeduceme.

kellerprocess:

filbo-faggins-loves-smaug:

mousezilla:
sazquatch:
lilithlaquim:
nudiemuse:
lovingyouisredforyou:
poppypicklesticks:
logicsomething:
i’m lucky enough to have encountered a barista malicious enough to do this to me - i ordered a decaf latte with soy milk and they gave me fully caffeinated with cow’s milk. cue hours of panic attacks and feeling sick. ugh
Why do some baristas think its adorable and clever to dick around with people’s specifications?  They can kill someone with allergies with this shit. 
Last summer, I had a stomach infection (sorry, gross, I know) and could hardly eat any sugar at all. After I went to doctors appointments, I’d gotten into the routine of stopping at a nearby coffee shop and getting a sugar free soy latte (because I’m also lactose intolerant). Whenever I gave that order to a certain barista, she would roll her eyes and be kind of rude, but I was like whatever. Then one day, I gave my order and my drink tasted a little better, but I didn’t really think anything of it until I overheard her whispering to another barista something like “I made that girl’s drink with regular syrup and whole milk, I’m so sick of these bitches getting soy and sugar free when they’re not even fat” like she had done something really awesome and clever.
I was horribly sick for the rest of the day.
it’s not uncommon at all for baristas to give me whole milk when I ask for soy. and for me, that just means I get a bad tummy ache, but for some people, that could actually kill them.
So yeah, people who do this shit should really lose their jobs.
[EDIT: Sorry, I didn’t realize the first blog who’d commented was an fatphobic blog. Deleted comment from asshole.]
I had this happen once. I went back the next day and told the manager ALL about my flaming shits, stomach cramps and gas. Then I told her who did it and I’m pretty sure they got fired.
I’ve had this kind of thing happen multiple times. Ordering diet pop and getting regular, ordering sugar free syrup and getting regular…and since I can’t always tell the difference in taste between diet and regular, I finish the whole drink and then end up in the hospital with blood sugar over 40. It’s not fuckin’ cute, people.
What kind of pathetic piece of shit would do this to another person? Yuck.
My ex-boyfriend’s wonderful, artistic, funny grandmother died of an allergic reaction, because someone thought it would be funny to give her something other than what she ordered. 
My mother is diabetic, and managing her blood sugar (really well, fortunately) through her diet and without insulin because it’s damned expensive for her. 
I could go on about my friends and family and their allergies and food sensitivities and religious prohibitions, but I won’t. Whether you think someone’s a “skinny bitch” or a “fat cow,” (either way, fuck you for being a judgmental asshole), it’s not your goddamn place to be the arbiter of their diets, you thoughtless moron. 

I don’t usually call for people to be fired, but if you do this, you should be fired.

kellerprocess:

filbo-faggins-loves-smaug:

mousezilla:

sazquatch:

lilithlaquim:

nudiemuse:

lovingyouisredforyou:

poppypicklesticks:

logicsomething:

i’m lucky enough to have encountered a barista malicious enough to do this to me - i ordered a decaf latte with soy milk and they gave me fully caffeinated with cow’s milk. cue hours of panic attacks and feeling sick. ugh

Why do some baristas think its adorable and clever to dick around with people’s specifications?  They can kill someone with allergies with this shit. 

Last summer, I had a stomach infection (sorry, gross, I know) and could hardly eat any sugar at all. After I went to doctors appointments, I’d gotten into the routine of stopping at a nearby coffee shop and getting a sugar free soy latte (because I’m also lactose intolerant). Whenever I gave that order to a certain barista, she would roll her eyes and be kind of rude, but I was like whatever. Then one day, I gave my order and my drink tasted a little better, but I didn’t really think anything of it until I overheard her whispering to another barista something like “I made that girl’s drink with regular syrup and whole milk, I’m so sick of these bitches getting soy and sugar free when they’re not even fat” like she had done something really awesome and clever.

I was horribly sick for the rest of the day.

it’s not uncommon at all for baristas to give me whole milk when I ask for soy. and for me, that just means I get a bad tummy ache, but for some people, that could actually kill them.

So yeah, people who do this shit should really lose their jobs.

[EDIT: Sorry, I didn’t realize the first blog who’d commented was an fatphobic blog. Deleted comment from asshole.]

I had this happen once. I went back the next day and told the manager ALL about my flaming shits, stomach cramps and gas. Then I told her who did it and I’m pretty sure they got fired.

I’ve had this kind of thing happen multiple times. Ordering diet pop and getting regular, ordering sugar free syrup and getting regular…and since I can’t always tell the difference in taste between diet and regular, I finish the whole drink and then end up in the hospital with blood sugar over 40. It’s not fuckin’ cute, people.

What kind of pathetic piece of shit would do this to another person? Yuck.

My ex-boyfriend’s wonderful, artistic, funny grandmother died of an allergic reaction, because someone thought it would be funny to give her something other than what she ordered. 

My mother is diabetic, and managing her blood sugar (really well, fortunately) through her diet and without insulin because it’s damned expensive for her. 

I could go on about my friends and family and their allergies and food sensitivities and religious prohibitions, but I won’t. Whether you think someone’s a “skinny bitch” or a “fat cow,” (either way, fuck you for being a judgmental asshole), it’s not your goddamn place to be the arbiter of their diets, you thoughtless moron. 

I don’t usually call for people to be fired, but if you do this, you should be fired.

28

July

132,960 notes

This photo was reblogged from wizarding-world-of-les-mis and originally by youarefatbecauseyouarestupid.

randomdaisy:

tylerchokely:

fagmobs:

donnacabonna:

Wtf is this

my motto

NOW THATS A WOMAN!

randomdaisy:

tylerchokely:

fagmobs:

donnacabonna:

Wtf is this

my motto

NOW THATS A WOMAN!

28

July

6,375 notes

This photo was reblogged from hotwhiteguy and originally by donnacabonna.

(Source: slutformisha)

28

July

139,533 notes

This photo was reblogged from johama-mason and originally by slutformisha.

#the boy in the striped pajamas oh god no